Tiny House Photo is a Queer Photographer in Hudson Valley New York who specializes in LGBTQ+ Weddings and Elopements.
Getting Engaged is such an amazing milestone in life, a time for celebration! But then you think about breaking the news to your unsupportive and judgmental family members and know this might take some of the fun out of your engagement. Here are some helpful ways to help you navigate this exciting time with grace.
Prepare Yourselves.
Honestly, it’s almost like coming out again. If you know your family does not support your relationship, you already know they will not be popping open a bottle of champagne to celebrate your engagement. Approach your family members in a way that makes you feel most comfortable. Be ready for a bad reaction. Be honest with them. Tell them what it would mean to you to have their support. Your family might actually surprise you and end up being supportive.
Remember this is YOUR day
Your wedding, your rules. If you decide to eliminate the negative Nancys and any of the unsupportive fam, that is your choice. If you decide to elope and invite no one, that is also your choice. There might be blowback, but you also might be surprised that your family is relieved! Whatever you decide to do with your wedding day, it is the right choice.
If you have a homophobic family, they might feel relieved that they were not invited. Every family dynamic is different, so make sure you talk this out as a couple and decide WHO you want present on your day.
When sending out Wedding Invitations you might consider including a note that reads “We are so excited to celebrate our love with the people we love most. We understand that not everyone may share our beliefs, and we fully respect each person’s perspective. That said, this day is a celebration of love, joy, and unity, and we kindly ask that all who choose to attend do so with warmth, support, and positivity. If you feel unable to join us in that spirit, we ask that you send your love from afar.”
Setting clear and firm boundaries around your Wedding is so important.
Talk to a Therapist
If Therapy is your jam, consider talking to a therapist about navigating your unsupportive family during this time. I’m an advocate for therapy ALL THE TIME, but when you are overwhelmed with stress, it’s a necessity. A therapist or counselor will be able to provide you with healthy ways to cope during this somewhat stressful time. Maybe consider even bringing your family members to a therapy session to have a neutral person help you hash it all out.
Take Care of Yourself
Self care is SUPER important. Planning a wedding in itself is a stressful time. Family drama is the LAST thing you need during this time. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water, eating as healthy as you can, getting 8 hours of sleep every night and doing something for yourself every day. Do everything you can to keep yourself calm and happy during this time. Lean on your friends and framily for support if you need it.
Hear Them Out
If your family has honest concerns, hear them out if you’re in a space for this communication. Try to not engage in arguing or fighting, but just listen. If you don’t agree, calmly explain YOUR side of things. Ask them what bothers them about your relationship or marriage and see if there is anything you can do to make them feel better. Making others feel comfortable isn’t our job, but if you could have a conversation to hear their concerns. If they are being hateful, harmful and toxic, explain that you will not tolerate that behavior and remove yourself from the situation.
Cut the Toxic Out
Family is important and they are your DNA, but if you have a toxic family member you are allowed to cut them out of your life. If you have tried setting boundaries, having conversations about the way they treat you and feel like you’ve exhausted every option, let them go. It’s okay to remove harmful people from your life, DNA or not.
Whatever you do, enjoy your engagement. Surround yourselves with supportive friends and family in these happy and exciting times. Your unsupportive family will ultimately miss out on important moments in your life and have regrets in the end. That is their problem, not yours. Love is love and love will always win.
Here are some LGBTQ Professionals that can help guide you through difficult times and situations.
Kim Ehly LCSW
Pride Counseling
Embrace your Community
In our Community we often view our closest friends as our “chosen family”. Definitely lean on your friends as a source of strength while dealing with these heavy emotions. There are also non-profits who specialize in holding space and will even attend your Wedding in place of your estranged family members. Stand In Pride has volunteers all over the Country ready to support you on your Wedding Day. Check them out on social media and you’ll see what a wonderful organization they are!
It’s Not You… It’s Them
Sadly in today’s political and religious climate certain people cling on to their beliefs as if it’s all they have. Certain faiths and religious institutions have brainwashed a certain demographic into believing that being Gay, Queer, Trans is wrong which we know is not true.
I try to find comfort in knowing that it’s not us, it’s them. Who we love does not dictate who we are as a person, if we are “good or evil” or whether we’re invited to the after life party.
You are beautiful. You are worthy. Your life matters. Their narrow mindedness is not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of them. Please do not ever forget that.
Choose LGBTQ+ Wedding Vendors
Surround yourself with LGBTQ+ owned Wedding Vendors on your Wedding Day. This will ensure you have a team that has your back, supports your love and will hype you up all day long. Supporting our own community is so important and the love you receive back will be invaluable.
If you made it this far, I hope things work out with your family and your Wedding Planning goes amazing. I truly hope you have the best day ever. If you are looking for a Queer Photographer, check out my Website: Tiny House Photo! I’ve been documenting Weddings and Elopements for twelve years and I just adore working with my LGBTQ+ Community.
Tiny House Photo | New York LGBTQ+ Wedding Photographer
